1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahhhh, it's cute.
3. Why don't we just cuddle?
4.
You know they have surgery to fix that.
5. Make it dance.
6. Can I paint a smiley face on it?
7.
Wow, and your feet are so big.
8. It's OK, we'll work around it.
9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
10.
Oh no... a flash headache.
11. (giggle and point)
12. Can I be honest with you?
13. How sweet, you brought incense.
14.
This explains your car.
15. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
16. Why is God punishing me?
17. At least this won't
take long.
18. I never saw one like that before.
19. But it still works, right?
20. It looks so unused.
21. Maybe
it looks better in natural light.
22. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
23. Are you cold?
24. If you get
me real drunk first.
25. Is that an optical illusion?
26. What is that?
27. It's a good thing you have so many other
talents.
28. Does it come with an air pump?
29. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
30.
I guess this makes me the early bird.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A
male whale and female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognised
it as the same ship
that had harpooned his father many years earlier.
He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim
under the ship and blow out our air hole at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink".
They
tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.
Soon, however, the whales realised the sailors were
swimming to the safety of the shore. The male whale was enraged that they were going to get away
and told the female,
"Lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was
becoming reluctant to follow him.
"Look," she said, "I went along with the blow job , but I absolutely refuse to swallow
the seamen."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Good evening ladies,"
Sherlock Holmes said as he passed three women eating bananas on a park bench.
"Do you know them?" Dr. Watson
asked. "No," Holmes replied, "I've never met the nun, the prostitute or the bride we just passed."
"Good Lord,
Holmes, how in the world did you know all that?"
"Elementary, my dear Watson. The nun ate the banana by holding
it one hand and using the fingers of the other hand to properly break the fruit into small pieces."
"The prostitute,"
he continued, "grabbed with both hands and crammed the whole thing into her mouth."
"Amazing!" Watson exclaimed.
"But how did you know the third was a newlywed?"
"Because she held it one hand and pushed her head toward it with the
other."
=================== 1 Awesome Joke List ====================
~ Rescued? ~
After hearing that one
of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the director
reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office.
"Mr. Littlejohn, your records and your heroic behavior
indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry to have to be the one to tell you that the man you saved later killed
himself with a rope around the neck."
"Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. James replied. "I hung him up to dry."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Washcloth"
There
was a little boy whose mother was about to have a baby. One day the little boy walked in and saw his mother naked, he asked
his mother what was
the hair in between her legs?
She responded, "It's my washcloth".
Weeks later after the
mother had the baby, the young boy walked in on his mother again, but while she was in the hospital the doctor shaved her
pubic hair, and the boy asked his mother: "What happened to your washcloth?"
The mother responded, "I lost it".
The
little boy trying to be helpful set out to find his mother's washcloth. A few days later the little boy went running
to his mother yelling and screaming, I found your washcloth.
The mother thinking that the child was just playing went
along with the boy and asked, "Where did you find it?"
The boy answered, "The maid has it she is washing daddy's face
with it."
Wise Words: I don't think of all the misery, but of all the beauty that still remains. (Anne Frank)
