Due to
                                    increasing products liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers 
have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be 
placed immediately on all varieties
                                    of alcohol containers: 
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering
                                    what the 
hell happened to your bra and panties. 
_____ 
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you
                                    think you are 
whispering when you are not. 
_____ 
WARNING: The consumption of
                                    alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a 
retard. 
_____ 
WARNING: The consumption of
                                    alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over 
and over again that you love them. 
_____ 
WARNING: The consumption of
                                    alcohol may cause you to think you can sing. 
_____ 
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you
                                    to believe that ex-lovers 
are dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning. 
_____ 
WARNING: The consumption of
                                    alcohol may make you think you can logically 
converse with other members of the opposite sex without
                                    spitting. 
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug
                                    
burns on the forehead, knees and lower back. 
_____ 
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create
                                    the illusion that you are 
tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people. 
_____ 
WARNING: The consumption of
                                    alcohol may lead you to think people are 
laughing WITH you. 
_____ 
WARNING: The consumption of
                                    alcohol may cause pregnancy. 
_____ 
WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcahol may Mack you
                                    tink you kan tipe reel 
goood. 
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