Sometimes I reflect back on all the beer I have consumed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

* Jack Handy

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I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

* Frank Sinatra

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The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.

* William Butler Yeats

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An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

* Ernest Hemingway 

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Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

* Ernest Hemingway

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Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

* Catherine Zandonella

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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.

* Anonymous

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Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure: hooking up with fat, hairy girls.

* Ross Levy

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A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

* W. C. Fields 

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What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?

* Tee Mans

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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

* Henny Youngman

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Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.

* Michelle Mastrolacasa

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I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.

* Tom Waits

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24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

* Stephen Wright

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When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep.  When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.  Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!

* Brian O'Rourke

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You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.

* Frank Zappa

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Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

* Winston Churchill

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Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

* Benjamin Franklin

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If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.

* Jack Handy

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Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

* Dave Barry

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The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.

* Humphrey Bogart

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Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.

* Kaiser Wilhelm

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Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

* Dave Barry

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You know you're drunk when you fall off the floor. 

* Anonymous

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And God said, "Let there be vodka!" And He saw that it was good.

Then God said, "Let there be light!" And then He said, "Whoa - too much light."

* Anonymous

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You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

* Dean Martin

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Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 1862!

* Anonymous

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Remember "I" before "E," except in Budweiser.

* Anonymous

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To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a support Group.

* Anonymous

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Beer - Because one doesn't solve the world's problems over white wine.

            * Anonymous

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